You smell like a Billy Joel song
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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