I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
