I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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