Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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