I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
