i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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