Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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