imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
