Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
