Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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