It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I think my moral compass just broke
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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