girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
