Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
