I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
