it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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