now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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