ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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