no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
