You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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