So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
