it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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