Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
