I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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