Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
