if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
