we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.