Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
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He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
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I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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