do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
