he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
