haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
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she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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