So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
