ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
