sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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