When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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