We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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