I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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