We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
