that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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