Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
