he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
