Where did you get a picture of my penis
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
