Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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