She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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