We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
