mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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