I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
