Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
