i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
