When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
