Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
