i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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