You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
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deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
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I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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