i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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