He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I touched a dick in church today
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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