Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
