If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
