I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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