my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
