On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
