Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
