ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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