Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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