You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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