Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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