We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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