Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
