I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
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IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
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I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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