Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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